You Killed a Murderor
by Darce'Davis
Summary: *Spoiler, Based of Episode 9 from Degrassi Summer 14 Session.* Miles is usually the one to cause the storms, but this time he's caught in one that happens to be between his best friend and his old best friend. He knows what he wants, but he's a Hollingsworth, and while his dad may pursue any desire, that removes confidence for anyone else. Miles/Tristan, Miles/Winston light slash.
1. Chapter 1

It wasn't him.

I pounced forward, watching as his thumb flew from under his stable lip and his shoulders shivered in surprise. He whipped his head around with a smile on his face, as if he forgot he was supposed to be frightened. As if he forgot I was a murderer.

"How'd you find me?" Tristan asked as he twisted on the couch, and I smiled back from the other side.

"Circling back to the starting point," I motioned with my head to the hallway behind him, "oldest trick in the book." _Winston's book. _Tristan was quick to stand up, dusting off his jeans.

"And I wanted to make sure you were ok after everything we talked about out there." Feeling guilty, I lied. His smile faded before coming back even stronger.

"Do you have the lighter?" He asked me.

"Idon'tknow." I muttered, staring up into his eyes. If there was one thing I knew how to do, it was to flirt. But why was I flirting with him? To keep up my status of flirting with everyone except for the person I wanted to flirt with most? He reached forward, but I couldn't move away. He tugged at my jacket and I felt his cold hands on my tank top.

"You feeling me up?" I asked him, and he didn't stop. "You know, Chewy did have this crazy idea that you want me." Tristan still didn't stop, just affirmed that it was indeed a crazy idea and reached even further, his hand landing on my lower back, just above my pants pocket before he pulled back.

"The lighter." I stood on the couch before climbing over the other side. Tristan pointed his finger at me, warning me that if I came any closer he'd kiss me. But it wasn't as deadly of a threat as it would've been if spewed from the right mouth. I didn't advance any further, but the rain outside- the storm. I couldn't think straight. Yeah, that's it. I couldn't think _straight. _And I told him to. I told him to kiss me. I told him to be the first guy I ever kissed even though I knew it wouldn't change a thing. And he did, but it wasn't any different than kissing Zoe. It wasn't any different than kissing Maya. It was nice. It felt good to be held by someone, to be accepted by someone who wasn't only in it for the political gain. Was that what this was? My way of creating the best political scandal to ever hit the Hollingsworth home? _Oldest Hollingsworth Child Turned Gay. _

No. It couldn't be. Because when he broke the kiss and looked at me for any sign of approval, I leaned in, pushing him against the wall before touching lips to his again. There was a thunder strike and I felt sick. If it had been the kiss I had been waiting for, the other's knee would've buckled. Something that Frankie could pass off as being a side effect of a kiss, but someone that truly knew him, like me, would've known was from his childish fear of the storm. I didn't see the flashlight on me, but I heard as it dropped dumbly to the floor. I had to laugh at myself. At my stupidity. Caught between someone who fell for me, and someone I had fallen for a long time ago.

"Ummm..." Tristan eyes were wide at the realization of what just happened. "I'll let you two catch up." Did I like him? He made me smile. Even now, even when I knew I fucked everything up again. He left quickly and without a moment to catch my breath you were in front of me.

"So what? You're gay now?" You asked me but I was at a disadvantage. It was too dark to see what emotion was held in your eyes, framed by the lens of your glasses. "Bi?" You try when I refused to give an answer.

"It felt right." I stated simply. "And kinda fun." I admitted.

"Is he gonna think it's fun when it never happens again? You're a mess dude. Figure out what you want before you hurt someone else you care about." My heart started beating faster regardless of the fact I knew that what I wanted was not the direction you were going in at all. What did I expect? For you to tell me that it would never happen again because you want me and knows I want you and that you're a better guy for me than Tristan could ever be... to tell me that the reason you told the truth in court despite my wishes was because it was the most passable way for you to get Maya to break up with me so you could have me to yourself just like old times... to tell me that the only reason you're dating Frankie is because you thought it was the closest thing you could ever get to me. That you knew the reason I was so against you dating her was because I couldn't stand to see the two of you together- that I had always wanted it to be me and that it wasn't fair. That you were my friend first, my best friend first, and that I deserved to be your lover first. Your lover last. Your only lover. Because I did. I loved you. And because of that I hate myself. I live life like a game and people get hurt. I don't want to do it anymore. But I can't stop. Not without you. And I know that what I do makes us drift apart, but I see no other option. And it kills me. And you walking away from me as I try to work out my thoughts kills me even more. Into a state where I can't survive. Into a state where I couldn't heal. But I was used to hiding it. Used to hiding what my mom and dad did to me all the time. Used to hiding the effects people had on me, cause I was expected to.

"Winston." I call to you. You turn around with a look of disgust on your face and I no longer had anything to say. I held up the lighter and said two words that fit our relationship best.

"You're dead."


	2. Chapter 2

Tristan was out by the pool, attempting to clean some of the storm's aftermath. He looked at me and gave a smile, telling me we didn't have to talk about last night if we didn't want to. And I wanted to. But I couldn't. I just stared at the murky water and thought about my life. How unfair it was, and how I'm not ready for it to get better.

"I'm a bad dude, Tris." Was I really about to do this? I risked a glance to him, but it didn't make me regret what I was about to do. "Winston's right. I always hurt the people I care about." He looked at me back before licking his lips that must've gone dry before he attempted to speak.

"I get it. It's fine." He dismissed our conversation before turning away. "I figured it was all a way to get back at Maya anyway." But that wasn't what it was Tris. It was an attempt to move on, because I want to move on. "But I didn't mind." This was my last chance to say something. To apologize. To tell him I want to give this a shot, that I like him but don't know what to do. But instead, I watched him turn his back on me and walk away, back into the Hollingsworth mansion and inevitably out the front door.

"I'm impressed." Winston called to me, giving me a futile applaud as he clapped his hands together.

"Why do you do this to me?"

"What are you talking about Miles?" I scoffed. And Winston was supposed to be the smart one. "Why do I look out for you? Why do I defend you when you come up with some crazy scheme to get back at your dad? You can't keep playing with people's emotions!"

"So why can you?!" I yelled. My question was followed by silence. I didn't notice the tear until it fell from my face. I had waited so long for this goddamn moment. To tell Winston just how I felt about him. "I hate you." I felt my lip quiver as all he did was cross his arms across his chest.

"I've gathered that over the past few weeks." He declared.

"No. You have no idea." He scratched at his nose before looking away. I'll I wanted to do was walk up to that nose and punch it with all the strength I had left. I wanted to break him like he broke me. And I did. I walked up to him, socking him right in the eye. He grabbed me by the shoulders, making me lose my balance, and forced us into the disgusting pool. He held on to me even though I struggled. I kept kicking at him, digging my nails into the arms that he had wrapped around my chest as he held me to him. I had never hear his voice so quiet as he spoke.

"You're scaring me, Miles." I felt his head rest on my shoulder before I felt his hot breath dry some of the hairs on my neck. "What happened between us?" He asked, tightening his grasp as he felt me relax. "Does it have to be like this?" He struggled to turn me around so that I would face him, but I didn't look into his eyes. I just muttered a yes, before wading towards the steps before he could pull me back into his arms.

"Why?" Winston demanded, hitting his hand on the concrete before climbing out of the pool. "Why, Miles!" As if he just remembered, he reached up and placed a few fingers on his eye, caressing his temple. "It's not fair!"

"Don't you fucking tell me it's not fair!" I lost it. The heat returned to the argument and I couldn't even follow the words that were coming out of my mouth. "It's not fair that I can't be happy. Not with Zoe, not with Maya, not with Tristan. And it's always because of you! You don't want me with any of them because you think I'm not worth it. You think I'm not worth anything."

"-not true, Mi-"

"You think that all I ever do is hurt people, and make people regret me and hate me."

" The only person you consistently hurt is you. You hate yourself, even if no one else does." I choked. "When did I ever say you were worthless? When did I ever say you weren't good enough?!" He opened his arms to me in pure frustration.

"Every single time you walk away from me without giving a second thought." I said in spurts. He swallowed, clumsily adjusting his glasses. "You don't believe in me anymore. I'm just some delinquent who you've given up on."

"Never." Is all he said with a confident shake of the head. "If you like Tristan, then you should tell him that."

"I do."

"Ok." He shrugged his shoulders encouragingly. "Then there's nothing wrong with it."

"But there is something wrong."

"What?" He took a step closer, only to be met with me taking a step back.

"I can't tell you. It would change everything."

"Hasn't everything already changed?" He tried, but I didn't go for it. He scratched his ear before taking a deep breath. "I'm going to ask you something, and I need a honest answer. I'm here for you either way, ok?" I nodded my head. It was a weird feeling. I wanted him to guess right so desperately so it would be out there, but I also was fearful of what would happen if he finally knew. I tilted my head back, looking at the clear skies, and waited. Winston had this innocence that he never really had before, taking care as to how he worded this. I felt my fingers cross as he went for it.

"Is your dad abusing you?"


End file.
